Egg on my face again. And this is no "woe is me" rant, but the reality is what it is. I'm an intelligent girl, but being human (as I am), I am inclined to make the occasional mistake here and there. But the events that took place yesterday were just...wow. I hurt the one I love. And in the process, I used the fact that he had previously hurt me as justification. That happens in relationships. People hurt each other. But I actually wish I could take back just about every decision I made concerning love and relationships last year. I made decisions from a place of insecurity, pain, and resentment. And now I'm living the aftermath.
I realize that it's time to release everything I've fought for and with for the past 5 years. I'm spent. I'm tired. And I don't even know that I believe it's been worth the fight. Right now everything inside of me is chaotic. And to be honest, I'm not looking back anymore. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of hurting. And I'm tired of being the catalyst behind someone else's pain.
The night before last, I had hope for a future with him. Yesterday morning, I asked the question, he told me the truth. Last night I said goodbye. And today, well today just sucks. But, God willing, there's always tomorrow.
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